I shared on a friend's facebook post that in constantly berating others for buying toilet paper we are in a round about way shaming others and not showing compassion. She countered that wiping out stores is not very compassionate either. I don't disagree but I think there may be some gross misunderstandings of what is going on here amid the Covid-19 situation. 
I want to shed a little bit of light on the toilet paper thing from the neuropsychology of fear. 
When fear is “driving the bus” that means that the oldest part of our brain - the reptilian (named this because Reptiles also have this part in their brain) or Limbic System ( or emotional brain as you may have also heard it called) is activated. 

The Reptilian Brain or Limbic System is driven by high intensity emotions like fear and the reason is primarily for survival. Our brains are hardwired to see the negative - it’s an actual thing called The Negativity Bias - and it’s quite frankly been evolved into place for our species survival. We look out for threats, we’re constantly on the watch for them so that we can evade them and learn from them and therefore survive. It’s an ancient part of our biology and frankly, we haven’t evolved out of it - it’s still very much alive and well within us even though the threats today look very different then they did in ancient times. 
Our Pre-frontal Cortex - or decision making centre in the brain is responsible for thinking things through rationally, or looking and planning ahead. This is where we can rationalize and consider not only ourselves but also others. 

The important thing to note here is that when the Limbic System (reptilian brain) is driving the bus, the Pre-frontal Cortex (think of this part of the brain as like your most calm cool and collected friend who can make wise and educated decisions) goes offline. When fear is activating that ancient brain we just can’t think and act the way that we normally would because we can’t actually access the part of the brain that allows for thinking ahead, thinking of others, rationalizing. 

Enter shame - when people are shamed they are thrown into a form of fight or flight or freeze and that is because shame is another form of threat. It’s a threat to your character, your actions, your very sense of self. 

I consider myself to be a good person, I try to do the best I can for myself and others but it doesn’t always come out the way I intend it to. I’m sure that you can say the same for yourself. 

So when people start to post all over the internet images of shelves that are wiped clean, you may start to feel ashamed that you partook in buying resources for your family. Did you take too much? How are we to know at this point of uncertainty? The very fact that we do not know is the highest intensity of fear going. With that being said, the biological and psychological knee jerk reaction is to do what is necessary for yourself and your loved ones. 

The toilet paper thing? I think it’s less about the actual product and what it is used for and more about the the symbolism of uncertainty and fear. No one wants to be stuck without - no matter what that is. 
However when we condemn others for doing what they thought was necessary in a time where their emotional brain was completely driving their decisions. This act of shaming others for making decisions that they may not usually make only adds to the feeling of threat and scarcity. 

I will admit that I found myself putting toilet paper into my cart and telling myself that I actually needed it but upon returning home when I opened the cupboard I in fact already had toilet paper . 
In fact my mom legitimately buys toilet paper any time its on sale and delivers it to anyone she loves - which means I usually always have a good supply - but in the moments at the grocery store when fear was the prevailing energy I was quite literally not able to access my rational brain and think it through and remember that this is the case. I’m willing to bet this happened to many other people as well. 

After seeing empty shelves in stores I felt a wave of shame that I have shelves that are full in my home - but the truth is that that is often the case for us and what I’ve come to realize again and again is how fortunate we are to have the opportunities to afford us the ability to have extra in times of plenty and in times of need. 

The shame that I felt is maybe something that you have felt too and possibly haven’t recognized it as such yet. Perhaps you are judging others for stocking up even though admittedly you may actually have plenty. (We sometimes counter this at holidays by having food drives) Perhaps this judgement is just another mask for fear. Maybe judging others is a big misunderstanding. (Passing judgement in any situation usually is about misunderstanding in my opinion) But I can tell you that passing judgement on others for doing what they feel like they need to do for survival (toilet paper or not) is shaming and only further adding to the fear. 

I did/do feel shame for having my shelves full and yet here is how I’m working through it: 

• Giving myself grace and space for reactions that are VERY human 
• Allowing myself forgiveness for shaming/judging/blaming myself (and when I do that for myself I can do that for others) 
• Giving myself compassion for cycling through what I know is a biological/psychological reaction
• When I give myself compassion I can breathe, when I breathe I can help my body return to a regulated state that then can think clearly and access that Pre-frontal Cortex 
• Talk to my loved ones and let them know that I have enough and can share where they may fall short 
• Start thinking about those who I love and care about who may be in need and reach out and help where I can, whether with donations or the sharing of skills and information

I hope that we can all give ourselves grace and compassion and forgiveness for acts that we may otherwise never have thought we would have ever had to do. The times are uncertain, but what is most certain is that when we show compassion, understanding, grace, forgiveness and love to OURSELVES as well as others then goodwill will prevail. 

I wish you heaps of self compassion, self forgiveness, a sense of safety, love and goodwill and if you need anything, please reach out and let’s problem solve together.
XO
​Lindsay

I have decided that I am no longer complaining about weather. I know I know, you're shocked and appalled and wondering what the heck you're going to talk to me about right?!  It is so interesting to me when people say things like “Crazy weather we’re having eh?” or "Ughh it's so cold!" I mean honestly if we all had a dollar for every time someone said this to you or you said this to someone else you would probably be able to retire early or at the very least take a pretty great vacay no? 

Here’s the thing, even though we have decided that as Canadians we “bond” over the weather chit chat, it actually reinforces that negative loop in our brains. Humans have on average somewhere between 20K and 60K thoughts in every single day. Even if they are thought fragments or just an image that pops up in your mind, that counts towards that overall number.  I don’t know about you but the weather comes up at least once or twice a day in conversation with others and so added up over time we spend a lot of our thoughts and time on the weather. 
Dr. Rick Hanson says that we are hardwired for negativity. Our brain did this thousands of years ago for survival. So, okay it might be an ancient response to complain about the winter weather because yes thousands of years ago it really could have been a survival situation if we weren’t properly prepared. But now? Now we have peppermint mocha lattes, ugg slippers and gas fireplaces to get cozy with. It’s really no longer a matter of survival on a daily basis for most of us (I’m willing to assume that if you’re reading this you have adequate shelter in these winter months and of course I’m not talking about freak storms that actually do threaten our well-being in an acute way.)
If we want to work towards a more positive way of life (and I know I do!) then we have to be willing to get off of the “weather complaint” band wagon. It’s such a simple topic of conversation that so many people use as an ice breaker which is why I think that it becomes such a force of habit. But imagine if we could use other topics of conversation instead? Imagine if we asked someone instead “what do you like to DO in this weather?”, you might just be surprised by the answers that you receive.

In fact, even those of us who are guilty of weather “group think” complaining may own a pari of skis or snowshoes which indicates to me that at some point you decided that you weren’t just going to make the most of the season but that you were actually going to give an honest effort towards enjoying it. Imagine…enjoying winter weather! 
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Danish people have a saying that “there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.” If we could embrace this principal then we could probably be better able to enjoy the cold or damp weather that comes our way. In fact if we could get outside more often and move our bodies and feel comfortable while doing so then we can also increase our immune system’s ability to fight off winter viruses. Yes it seems like a real investment when purchasing high quality outer wear but I have personally been blown away by the difference and have been able to more comfortably enjoy outdoor time in colder temperatures. 
Here are some suggestions to enjoy the winter weather this year:

•  Make a choice. Everything in life is a choice. You can choose to be a negative weather Nelly and continuously strengthen the negative thought loops in your brain OR you can decide that you are going to embrace the weather that always comes (I don’t know how old you are but honestly by this point in time I feel like winter really shouldn’t be a surprise anymore.) 
• Learn about the Danish lifestyle concept of hygge - pronounced “hoo-ga”. The idea is basically becoming mindful about the simple pleasures found through cozy-ness and partaking in activities such as drinking a warm drink by the fire or playing board games with friends or reading a book nestled underneath of blankets.
• Take up a winter sport or activity and embrace the weather and all of it’s fruits. Try x-country skiing followed by an evening of hygge. Build snow forts with your kids. Start measuring how many cm of snow fall and help reinforce math skills with your youngsters. Flex your creative muscles and take photos of the beauty in nature while covered up by ice and snow. The opportunities to learn from and enjoy the weather are there, we just have to look for them. 
• Instead of using small talk that starts with weather related complaints, think about something a bit more genuine to talk about - even strangers appreciate the sincere question of “how are you doing today?” Followed by genuine listening and care. Small talk is pervasive in our society but it keeps us disconnected from one another and acts a little bit in the same way as “liking” a photo on facebook. It’s like showing someone you kinda care to say niceties, but you don’t care enough to ask a deeper more thoughtful question. 
• Finally when you hear others complain about the weather, resist joining in and jumping on the negative Nelly weather wagon. Either keep it to yourself or Kindly explain the activities that you enjoy doing in the weather - people generally do enjoy the activities found in the hygge lifestyle and so I find that even by shifting the conversation towards warm and cozy activities the overall vibe of the conversation can change.

For some of us Winter weather is a fact of life so we might as well start shifting the ways that we feel, think and talk about it for our own mental wellness and that of others. Remember how many hours of your life you are dedicating on talking about and thinking about the weather - do you want those moments to be taken up by negative thoughts or do you want to spin it and genuinely change the way that you feel about weather. Who knows - we might even be able to make a collective movement on the idea of being weather positive and at the very least I hope that the photo of a dog wearing a tuque will help you crack a smile ;)