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3/14/2020 3 Comments

Fear, Toilet Paper & Compassion

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I shared on a friend's facebook post that in constantly berating others for buying toilet paper we are in a round about way shaming others and not showing compassion. She countered that wiping out stores is not very compassionate either. I don't disagree but I think there may be some gross misunderstandings of what is going on here amid the Covid-19 situation. 
I want to shed a little bit of light on the toilet paper thing from the neuropsychology of fear. 
When fear is “driving the bus” that means that the oldest part of our brain - the reptilian (named this because Reptiles also have this part in their brain) or Limbic System ( or emotional brain as you may have also heard it called) is activated. 

The Reptilian Brain or Limbic System is driven by high intensity emotions like fear and the reason is primarily for survival. Our brains are hardwired to see the negative - it’s an actual thing called The Negativity Bias - and it’s quite frankly been evolved into place for our species survival. We look out for threats, we’re constantly on the watch for them so that we can evade them and learn from them and therefore survive. It’s an ancient part of our biology and frankly, we haven’t evolved out of it - it’s still very much alive and well within us even though the threats today look very different then they did in ancient times. 
Our Pre-frontal Cortex - or decision making centre in the brain is responsible for thinking things through rationally, or looking and planning ahead. This is where we can rationalize and consider not only ourselves but also others. 

The important thing to note here is that when the Limbic System (reptilian brain) is driving the bus, the Pre-frontal Cortex (think of this part of the brain as like your most calm cool and collected friend who can make wise and educated decisions) goes offline. When fear is activating that ancient brain we just can’t think and act the way that we normally would because we can’t actually access the part of the brain that allows for thinking ahead, thinking of others, rationalizing. 

Enter shame - when people are shamed they are thrown into a form of fight or flight or freeze and that is because shame is another form of threat. It’s a threat to your character, your actions, your very sense of self. 

I consider myself to be a good person, I try to do the best I can for myself and others but it doesn’t always come out the way I intend it to. I’m sure that you can say the same for yourself. 

So when people start to post all over the internet images of shelves that are wiped clean, you may start to feel ashamed that you partook in buying resources for your family. Did you take too much? How are we to know at this point of uncertainty? The very fact that we do not know is the highest intensity of fear going. With that being said, the biological and psychological knee jerk reaction is to do what is necessary for yourself and your loved ones. 

The toilet paper thing? I think it’s less about the actual product and what it is used for and more about the the symbolism of uncertainty and fear. No one wants to be stuck without - no matter what that is. 
However when we condemn others for doing what they thought was necessary in a time where their emotional brain was completely driving their decisions. This act of shaming others for making decisions that they may not usually make only adds to the feeling of threat and scarcity. 

I will admit that I found myself putting toilet paper into my cart and telling myself that I actually needed it but upon returning home when I opened the cupboard I in fact already had toilet paper . 
In fact my mom legitimately buys toilet paper any time its on sale and delivers it to anyone she loves - which means I usually always have a good supply - but in the moments at the grocery store when fear was the prevailing energy I was quite literally not able to access my rational brain and think it through and remember that this is the case. I’m willing to bet this happened to many other people as well. 

After seeing empty shelves in stores I felt a wave of shame that I have shelves that are full in my home - but the truth is that that is often the case for us and what I’ve come to realize again and again is how fortunate we are to have the opportunities to afford us the ability to have extra in times of plenty and in times of need. 

The shame that I felt is maybe something that you have felt too and possibly haven’t recognized it as such yet. Perhaps you are judging others for stocking up even though admittedly you may actually have plenty. (We sometimes counter this at holidays by having food drives) Perhaps this judgement is just another mask for fear. Maybe judging others is a big misunderstanding. (Passing judgement in any situation usually is about misunderstanding in my opinion) But I can tell you that passing judgement on others for doing what they feel like they need to do for survival (toilet paper or not) is shaming and only further adding to the fear. 

I did/do feel shame for having my shelves full and yet here is how I’m working through it: 
  • Giving myself grace and space for reactions that are VERY human 
  • Allowing myself forgiveness for shaming/judging/blaming myself (and when I do that for myself I can do that for others) 
  • Giving myself compassion for cycling through what I know is a biological/psychological reaction
  • When I give myself compassion I can breathe, when I breathe I can help my body return to a regulated state that then can think clearly and access that Pre-frontal Cortex 
  • Talk to my loved ones and let them know that I have enough and can share where they may fall short 
  • Start thinking about those who I love and care about who may be in need and reach out and help where I can, whether with donations or the sharing of skills and information
I hope that we can all give ourselves grace and compassion and forgiveness for acts that we may otherwise never have thought we would have ever had to do. The times are uncertain, but what is most certain is that when we show compassion, understanding, grace, forgiveness and love to OURSELVES as well as others then goodwill will prevail. 

I wish you heaps of self compassion, self forgiveness, a sense of safety, love and goodwill and if you need anything, please reach out and let’s problem solve together.

XO
​Lindsay
3 Comments

11/14/2019 1 Comment

This year I'm not complaining about Winter, here's why...

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I have decided that I am no longer complaining about weather. I know I know, you're shocked and appalled and wondering what the heck you're going to talk to me about right?!  It is so interesting to me when people say things like “Crazy weather we’re having eh?” or "Ughh it's so cold!" I mean honestly if we all had a dollar for every time someone said this to you or you said this to someone else you would probably be able to retire early or at the very least take a pretty great vacay no? 

Here’s the thing, even though we have decided that as Canadians we “bond” over the weather chit chat, it actually reinforces that negative loop in our brains. Humans have on average somewhere between 20K and 60K thoughts in every single day. Even if they are thought fragments or just an image that pops up in your mind, that counts towards that overall number.  I don’t know about you but the weather comes up at least once or twice a day in conversation with others and so added up over time we spend a lot of our thoughts and time on the weather. 
Dr. Rick Hanson says that we are hardwired for negativity. Our brain did this thousands of years ago for survival. So, okay it might be an ancient response to complain about the winter weather because yes thousands of years ago it really could have been a survival situation if we weren’t properly prepared. But now? Now we have peppermint mocha lattes, ugg slippers and gas fireplaces to get cozy with. It’s really no longer a matter of survival on a daily basis for most of us (I’m willing to assume that if you’re reading this you have adequate shelter in these winter months and of course I’m not talking about freak storms that actually do threaten our well-being in an acute way.)
If we want to work towards a more positive way of life (and I know I do!) then we have to be willing to get off of the “weather complaint” band wagon. It’s such a simple topic of conversation that so many people use as an ice breaker which is why I think that it becomes such a force of habit. But imagine if we could use other topics of conversation instead? Imagine if we asked someone instead “what do you like to DO in this weather?”, you might just be surprised by the answers that you receive.

In fact, even those of us who are guilty of weather “group think” complaining may own a pari of skis or snowshoes which indicates to me that at some point you decided that you weren’t just going to make the most of the season but that you were actually going to give an honest effort towards enjoying it. Imagine…enjoying winter weather! 
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Danish people have a saying that “there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.” If we could embrace this principal then we could probably be better able to enjoy the cold or damp weather that comes our way. In fact if we could get outside more often and move our bodies and feel comfortable while doing so then we can also increase our immune system’s ability to fight off winter viruses. Yes it seems like a real investment when purchasing high quality outer wear but I have personally been blown away by the difference and have been able to more comfortably enjoy outdoor time in colder temperatures. 
Here are some suggestions to enjoy the winter weather this year:


  •  Make a choice. Everything in life is a choice. You can choose to be a negative weather Nelly and continuously strengthen the negative thought loops in your brain OR you can decide that you are going to embrace the weather that always comes (I don’t know how old you are but honestly by this point in time I feel like winter really shouldn’t be a surprise anymore.) 
  • Learn about the Danish lifestyle concept of hygge - pronounced “hoo-ga”. The idea is basically becoming mindful about the simple pleasures found through cozy-ness and partaking in activities such as drinking a warm drink by the fire or playing board games with friends or reading a book nestled underneath of blankets.
  • Take up a winter sport or activity and embrace the weather and all of it’s fruits. Try x-country skiing followed by an evening of hygge. Build snow forts with your kids. Start measuring how many cm of snow fall and help reinforce math skills with your youngsters. Flex your creative muscles and take photos of the beauty in nature while covered up by ice and snow. The opportunities to learn from and enjoy the weather are there, we just have to look for them. 
  • Instead of using small talk that starts with weather related complaints, think about something a bit more genuine to talk about - even strangers appreciate the sincere question of “how are you doing today?” Followed by genuine listening and care. Small talk is pervasive in our society but it keeps us disconnected from one another and acts a little bit in the same way as “liking” a photo on facebook. It’s like showing someone you kinda care to say niceties, but you don’t care enough to ask a deeper more thoughtful question. 
  • Finally when you hear others complain about the weather, resist joining in and jumping on the negative Nelly weather wagon. Either keep it to yourself or Kindly explain the activities that you enjoy doing in the weather - people generally do enjoy the activities found in the hygge lifestyle and so I find that even by shifting the conversation towards warm and cozy activities the overall vibe of the conversation can change.
For some of us Winter weather is a fact of life so we might as well start shifting the ways that we feel, think and talk about it for our own mental wellness and that of others. Remember how many hours of your life you are dedicating on talking about and thinking about the weather - do you want those moments to be taken up by negative thoughts or do you want to spin it and genuinely change the way that you feel about weather. Who knows - we might even be able to make a collective movement on the idea of being weather positive and at the very least I hope that the photo of a dog wearing a tuque will help you crack a smile ;) 



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1 Comment

8/19/2019 3 Comments

It's about TIME!

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 I have a question for you...

Do you ever hear yourself saying things like "ugh I wish I had more time!" or better yet "There's just not enough time!"??? 
I know that this was something that I was complaining about a lot earlier this year and I really had to check myself because - umm did you know that we ALL have the same amount of hours in the day? Uh ya. Well, we do! 

I had to really check myself and see if I was *actually* using my time wisely. As in, how much time was I ACTUALLY spending on my phone scrolling? Turns out it was quite a lot! I ended up really becoming more mindful of my online time and scaling back and I can honestly say that I have been a happier, more focused and more ACTIVE person since doing this! 

 I was lucky enough to work on an episode of the MGA Podcast with Veronica from Time Management Minimalist who really brought to my attention the link between anxiety and depression with cell phone and social media usage. Well, if you've followed along with the MGA Podcast you will know that I have really been working hard to tackle my anxiety. Knowing this, I really focused on putting down my phone. I was so thankful that Veronica pin pointed one of my time usage problem areas because it has been an incredible summer since this awareness came about! 

Then to really put the heat on Veronica's family came to visit us from Montreal! Talk about wanting to impress the time management queen!

 I wanted to maximize our visit and not spend half the time in the kitchen with food and beverage prep so I did a little meal planning - which by the way I had never really done before. I always thought it was a ton of work.  But I thought I would give it a try if it meant better time management.

LO and BEHOLD! It worked out SO well that I can honestly say that I felt like we were fully engaged during our visit and meal prep never felt like it was taking away from friend time. I doubled up so that I had enough leftovers of certain things for lunches and I had pre-made side salads in the fridge ready to go before Veronica and her family even pulled in the driveway. It truly made our visit a breeze! Plus I was so happy when she opened my fridge and saw all of the prep I had done to make her family feel comfortable and at ease.


So, because I love you SOOO much and because I really believe that meal planning is now the way to go (I also have been saving way more on groceries because I know exactly what I need and I don't have to buy things that I **might** make - ya know what I mean???) I have created a 5 day meal plan with recipes (for the non-self explanatory stuff) just for YOU to try out!

There are vegan options and if you're vegetarian you can just omit the meat. 


I hope this helps you save a little bit of time during your week so that you can get back to doing the things you love! 

Check out the full episode about time management with Veronica here. 

Also, if you try out any of the meals or try the planning, let me know how it went and comment below! 



mga_meal_plan.pdf
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7/18/2019 0 Comments

Get Rich With Gratitude

Have you ever bought a lottery ticket hoping that you would score big and get rich? I will confess that I have probably bought enough lottery tickets in my day that I could have gone on a nice overnight stay in a hotel somewhere with that money instead. I have since shifted my mindset around lottery tickets - especially since knowing the stats - by the way when you buy a ticket for 649 you have a 1 in 28.6 million chance in winning. So honestly - save your $6 bucks. 

I recently went to an event called the Atelier where I heard a number of inspirational entrepreneurial women speak and one of those women happened to be Melissa Leong. Now Melissa is the financial adviser to The Social and has been featured on many media outlets and has written for the financial post. She had such great wisdom to share that I bought her book at the conference and even stood in line like a groupie to have her sign it! 

As soon as I saw what she wrote in my book I was so excited to dig into the pages - she signed it  "Make Life Rich!"  And I just knew that somehow gratitude would be somewhere in her book. I was right. In it she says “Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we need to be grateful for what we have, focus on the opportunities ahead of us and turn off our phones and get a life outside the glow box. 

When you are constantly moving through life jumping from task to task it makes it difficult to see the true wealth that you have accumulated throughout your life. Not to mention if you’re constantly distracted by what you see online and in social media - you start to get stuck in the comparison trap of keeping up with joneses. You could even fall into that feeling where what you have is never enough. And that is where I want to start. 

If you want to get rich or feel more wealthy it’s just a matter of stopping to look around you at what you already have and how far you’ve already come. 

Now yes you could take stock of all of the “things you have” but in Leong’s book Happy Go Money she doesn’t point us in that direction. In fact, she touts study after study that demonstrate that true happiness comes from social connections and community with others. 

So, let’s start by looking at the rich connections that you have with others. Now again this doesn’t mean that you look to your instagram or facebook account to see how many friends and followers you have - in fact it may be just a handful of deep connections with people that truly get you or that you feel joyful to be around. It’s in those relationships and connections where we find happiness - not in how much stuff we have! 

Another way to get rich with gratitude is to look at the experiences that you’ve had in your life - or even just today. For example, I am grateful that I have created self discipline for myself on Monday’s to work on the Podcast and to add to that I am so lucky that the Quinne’s grandma lives so close to us that she goes to her house on Monday’s while I work on the Podcast and she gets grandma time. It’s a win win experience that happens every week and while I could sluff it off as being just part of the norm, I’m choosing to see the deep value in this Monday experience for everyone involved. 

But you can think of any experiences that you’ve had. It could be the time you travelled with friends or the time you went to that museum exhibit that you were so excited about. Studies show that when we take the time to recall the experiences that have brought us joy in the past that we can actually ignite those joyful brain centres again and again while reflecting upon them! It’s like watching a movie of your own happy life whenever you want to! 

In Melissa’s book Happy Go Money she recommends spending money on the following things - experiences, and time savers.

I love these  categories so much because they can both be linked to gratitude. 

Being grateful in the moment of an experience is an incredible gift that you can give yourself - even if it’s a daily experience like Quinne going over to grandmas. But you can also look at big life time experiences that you’ve done or maybe even something that you’ve gotten through and be grateful that it helped shape the person that you are today. 

Spending money on time savers is something that I am a huge fan of but that some people resist. For example spending money on house cleaners or landscapers is one way that some people save time. I personally am not good at organizing or cleaning and therefore I have no problem spending money on having people come and help me do this. One reason I like to do this is because it also holds me accountable in that I can’t let the house get out of control and have to stay on top of tidying for the cleaners to be as effective as we want them to be. Now some people might say “wow, isn’t that so nice maybe if I had more money” And I get it it seems like a luxury but I look at it in a few ways - one it allows me to spend more time being happy and content with my family. When the house is a disaster I am irratble and can’t focus - clutter does this to me. I feel better and I am better able to connect with my loved ones when the space is clutter free and clean. Two, the people I am paying are in it to make money and I love helping and supporting local businesses to make money. Honestly it’s a win win! The fact is we have to get over the notion that we have to do it all - instead let’s be grateful that there is someone who is really specifically talented in an area that you or I am not and that we can hire them to benefit everyone involved! 

Look all I’m trying to say is that if you want to be rich the fact is that you probably already are - and it’s just a matter of taking a look at what you already have and where you’ve already come from. 

May you always have the courage to be yourself - until next time. 

0 Comments

7/18/2019 1 Comment

Energy is Contagious...

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Today I want to talk to you all about energy. Now before you roll your eyes and think oh great here comes some of the hippy dippy stuff…hear me out. 
This week was a tricky one for us. Baby was teething and we barely slept and it was a full moon. Oh and did I mention that I had an amazing Podcast interview with someone I’m so excited to share with you and after we finished our hour long chat I went to log off and realized that I had not hit the record button. 
Oh my gosh you know that feeling that you get in your stomach when you’re on a roller coaster and you’re going over that first hill? Well I had it. I was so embarassed but my husband said you have to call her back and tell her what happened. So I swallowed my pride and told her and luckily we have reschuelded so you’ll still get to hear this awesome interview in a few weeks but man! The next day, I felt defeated. 
Just over tired and what we call in our family “crierd” which is when you’re so tired you could just cry. When I get this way it is hard to get motivated and it is especially hard to guard my heart and energy from the non-helpful energy of certain people around me. 
So basically what I mean is I start to let other people’s judgments creep in to my psyche and then I start to doubt myself and their negativity OR their lack of enthusiasm about my passions starts to affect me. Because it doesnt’ have to be that someone outright said something about what you’re doing but it could be that they don’t say anything which can also sometimes feel like an inadvertent punch in the gut. So ya, when I’m crierd I have a hard time not letting other people’s energy affect me. 
Now if you think that this energy thing is a whole lot of hocus pocus that’s fine I get it. But the fact of the matter is that we are all made up of energy and that energy has a vibration and you can SENSE it coming off of other people. 

If you don’t think the whole energy thing is real then I dare you to walk into a room after two people have just had a heated argument or to be a spectator at your favourite sports team when they are winning a very important game. I’ve definitely heard people who aren’t necessarily into energy or yoga or meditation say after they’ve been to a sports stadium “wow the energy in there was awesome!” 

Those feelings that you get - that visceral sensation in your body - that is energy. And that is precisely what I am talking about. When there are people around you who’s energy is so low or so negative and non-helpful then we need to make sure that our energy is protected so that we don’t get influenced by theirs. 

I’m not kidding - you’ve heard the old saying “misery loves company” that’s because energy is contagious and it takes work to keep your energy vibrating at a higher frequency, or in other words - staying positive or in a place of contentment. 

Dr. Christiane Northrup has an entire book about this called Dodging Energy Vampires. And in it she says that Energy Vampires feed on the positive energy of others. These people aren’t necessarily consciously sucking the life force right out of you but if you can think of a few people in your life who are always complaining or the words out of their mouths are always “I can’t I can’t I can’t” then you might be dealing with someone that is draining your energy.

Here’s the thing I have heard somewhere and I don’t know who said it but that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. Are your five people the kind of people that lift you up and inspire you and believe in you even when you’re having tough times? Or are your five people negative, have bad habits, complainers, or worse? 
It’s super important to think about the people that we allow into our lives and therefore share our energy with.

I used to work in an open concept school about 5 years ago and there was unfortunately one colleague who was a very toxic person that would constantly complain and create un necessary drama which was so difficult since our classrooms literally did not have any walls to separate us. I would dread walking in to work or down the hall to see this person because I knew instantly that there would be a shift in my energy if we got into a conversation. 

I wasnt’ as confident in myself then as I am now and so I didn’t know how to leave the conversation when things turned nasty and I would all of a sudden find myself in the middle of a conversation full of drama and talking about other people. I hated it. I absolutely hated being involved in drama or talking behind other people’s backs. I learned that year to surround myself with an invisible bubble and I would literally imagine this bubble protecting me as I walked down the hall and past that person’s open concept class. It would allow me to also visualize any of her energy or nasty words to bounce right off of me. 

I also learned to walk away from conversations when they turned sour. It wasn’t easy at first but eventually it got easier and you know that person eventually got the message. I had to just let go of any worries that that person would talk about me behind my back because let’s be honest I’m sure she did. Once I got to the point of understanding that she was affecting my energy I became very protective over it and guarded it fiercely. I felt so much better at work and didn’t worry about getting stuck in those situations and I was able to keep my energy higher and more focused on what mattered -  which was my own students and classroom.

So if you’re thinking “but some of the people who’s energies are affecting me are family members or people that I love” - I get that too. It’s really hard to come to terms with who in your life might be draining your energy rather than helping to fuel the tank. It can be a very hard fact to face that the people you love are also not helping your energy. And it’s actually quite common. The thing is you can hold love and affection for someone and work hard to make sure that they don’t drain your energy. It’s not always fool proof but it is possible. 

So, here is what I recommend: first, acknowledging it is important. And understanding that you are able to protect your energy and still love someone who might be an energy sucker. 
Next come up with a bit of a mental ritual to guard your energy - whether it is imagining a bubble around you that protects your energy or whether it is smudging some sage in your house after that person has left. It can even just be imagining that you opened a window and let that person’s residual energy float outside. Just know that visualization can be such a powerful mental and emotional tool and it is so so easy and free! 

I like to do all of the above. And if it happens to be that someone came in to my home and their energy didn’t quite jive with mine then I definitely like to smudge sage. Smudging is an ancient practice used in First Nations traditions as well as in Feng Shui. It’s thought that burning the herbs of sage, lavender,  sweet grass or palo Santo wood is able to clear the negative energy in a space. I’ve attached a website that explains how to do this in the show notes. 

Burning sage for me kind of a meditative practice. I walk around the house with a smudge stick and consciously think about clearing the space of any energies that no longer serve me.  

I waft the smoke near my closed eyes and I ask that I may see more clearly. 

I waft the smoke near my heart and ask that my heart be open and more receptive to loving both myself and others.

Actually right before my water broke with my daughter I used special sage sticks to clear the energies of each of my chakras so that I would feel clear and open before bringing her into the world - maybe it was the smell of the smoke but the next day my water broke!

And honestly - even if it is a bunch of mumbo jumbo it has the potential to act as a placebo and help you to just sense or believe that it has in fact cleared those energies and if that is the case - then I am still cool with doing it! 

I guess what I am saying here is that our energy is so precious and sacred and I know for me over the years it has been so so hard and so much deep work to bring my energy up to a positive point where I feel hopeful, content and excited about waking up every day because I get to do and experience this amazing life - that I want to be really conscious of who I allow within my personal energy space because those people also carry energies and I want to make sure that those energies align with my beliefs, and thought practices of being kind, compassionate and grateful. If we only get one life (that we know of!) then I don’t want to spend mine being negative or complaining about things that either a) I can’t change or b) really aren’t that bad. 

And we can also remember that there will be days when our own energies need a shift or a boost and we can easily change our own energy by practicing gratitude - for me this always helps to bring a light into darkness. 

Another great way to shift your own energy is to take a shower as the falling water has negative ions - which are proven to have health benefits and when I was in Psychotherapy School my Professor told me this was his trick - he would shower after a long day of seeing clients in therapy so that he would sort of wash away the energies that they may have brought to the sessions. 

I also find that a dance party or cranking up one of your favourite songs and singing at the top of your lungs in the car can also shift your energy. 

Next try and turn OFF the news - whether it’s the tv or the news feed. People LOVE to gossip and share stories about tragedies. There have actually been studies shown and I can actually attest that some people I know in my own life are good examples of this - that even listening to the news for prolonged periods of time can vastly change your energy and mood and NOT for the better. There are even studies that show that watching prolonged amounts of news covering something like 9/11 or natural disasters can lead to PTSD. This is no joke people, be informed but don’t saturate yourself with the stuff. 

Move your body. Energy likes to move. After all energy is vibrational. So it isn’t going to like being stuck in a chair for 9 hours a day - get up, stretch, take a walk around your office or do ten jumping jacks. Get a Fitbit or track your steps with your phone and set a number that you want to hit each day. This one is funny to me because I always always contest going to yoga or exercising and I am always the first person after the class or the walk to say “wow I feel so much better”! In fact my husband always knows if I’m in a mood to get us all suited up and ready for a walk no matter what the weather. 

Basically if there is anything you can take away from this brain changing episode it is this: Your energy is precious and it makes sense to protect it. Use visualization, or smudging or whatever you have to do to rinse yourself of energies that don’t serve you. And choose carefully what and who’s energies you allow to affect you - it might be hard but maybe say no to spending time with someone who is an energy sucker. Remember that energy is contagious and so if you want to stay in a healthy mind space then being aware of this and making the necessary shifts to guard your energy is very important. Also - energy is vibrational so get up and move every so often and if you really need a dose of new energy get your heart rate up. 

All of these things can help and I am sure that there are so many more ways to guard your energy - maybe you have something that you do that you’d like to share with us. Head over to the My Gratitude Attitude Facebook Group and comment on this episode’s post about how you protect your energy.

https://www.thespruce.com/how-to-smudge-your-house-1274692
https://negativeionizers.net/negative-ions-benefits/ 


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