Make space for the good stuff...

​So, I spoke about having some anxiety last week and and how I work through that. Going to therapy is one of the tools that I use to keep me afloat and doing well. It is, for me, a safe space to contain thoughts and feelings that otherwise don't get a chance to escape my mind or my body. I honestly look at therapy as an oil change for my brain - even when things are going well I still need to get that oil change. I make a point to go regularly. 

Not all therapy is meant to dig up tough stuff. While it can be helpful to understand the way we are because of the way we were or the way things went, a good therapist will not re-traumatize you or lead you somewhere you don't want to go. 

That's the key learning I took away from today. I walked up the steps to my appointment and thought to myself "Hmm, last time I was here I was really struggling with anxiety and yet today I feel like I've released that and can focus on the positive work that I'm doing in this world." I realized that by writing about the anxiety and sharing it with you, as well as the Gratitude Challenge from last week that I had made space for new and better things to talk about and work on. 

Today there were no tears. There were no anxious feelings. I wasn't worried about leaving the baby with Nana today. And I am a firm believer it's because I TALKED ABOUT those fears, worries and anxious thoughts that I was having. (Talked about it, wrote about it, was open and honest about it and finally - moved OUT OF IT.)

The more we release these things that no longer serve us (but that may seem taboo or unmentionable), the more space we have to create joyful projects and meaningful connections with others. I did realize though that people are not used to, nor are they trained to respond when you open up about having anxiety. 

​I'd like to offer some suggestions on how to respond to someone who might open up to you when they are having a difficult time: 

• First, just listen - put down your phone or whatever you are doing, look them in the eyes and show compassion with your face and body language. 
• Try your best (this is so so so hard) not to offer solutions or "fix" the problem - listening and being helpful is a way that you are helping (Honestly when you say "Have you tried...??" It undermines the person's own capacity to help themselves. If they are ready to help themselves they will seek out solutions.)
• If they want your help or advice they will ask for it, you can say something like:
  • "How can I best support you?" 
  • "Is there something that I can do to help?"
  • "Please know that I am here for you should you need anything"
  • "I'm sorry that you are struggling."
• If you have experienced a similar situation you can say "I have experienced this myself." And if that person would like to hear about your experience they will ask. If not, just knowing that you have experienced something similar is enough. It's important not to turn the conversation towards yourself and your experiences when someone has just had the courage to open up about their own struggles. 
• ​Even if you stumble and say something that maybe you didn't mean, just pause and say "I'm sorry, I don't quite know what to say or do, but I am here for you."

Sometimes people with anxiety don't know that is what they are dealing with. So, if you notice a friend or co-worker having a hard time coping with stress, maybe just do a little something to lighten their load without asking them what they need. (Sometimes they don't yet know what they need) An example of this might be, bringing them a tea or another random act of kindness. Just asking how they are doing. Maybe tell them a funny story or joke. Whatever act of compassion that you can do could just help that extra little bit. 

Finally, if you or someone you know needs help on a clinical level please know that there is no shame in seeking help. We take our cars in when they need maintenance. Our brains deserve regular maintenance too! We would never tell someone not to get their blood pressure checked if they felt it was out of whack so we ought to be more understanding of someone seeking help for feeling anxious or overwhelmed. 

But most of all, talk about it. Write about it. Sing about it. Dance about it. Paint about it. Express it however works for you. And if you happen to be the person that someone talks to about it - try using some of the suggestions above.

Once you release the struggle you allow space for the magic to happen (I think of this like letting the fizz out of the champagne - once the fizz is out and has settled a bit you can get to the delicious tasty treat) In that space you can work on creating new passions, new hobbies, feeling good, exercise, eating well, connecting with others - whatever it is that you feel great doing. 

With gratitude, 
Lindsay

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